Ask The Dean of Sex: Pornography in Relationships

As was sung in the off -Broadway musical Avenue Q, “the internet is for porn.”

 

A simple Google search of the word “porn” came back with 1,090,000,000 results in .17 seconds. While watching pornography is legal (as long as the persons watching and the individuals in the film are above the age of 18), there is an important question that often comes up when people who once utilized pornography for more “individualistic” pursuits, now enter into relationships. Are there problems to using pornography while in a relationship?

 

First, porn can have positive effects on relationships depending on the relationship itself, the content and the purpose. It is a safer way to explore alternative forms of sexuality or “taboo” subjects that the individuals wouldn’t be comfortable engaging in physically. For example, perhaps there is a couple that is curious about the world of dominant and submissive role play (as explored in EL James’s Fifty Shades of Grey series).

 

Rather than jumping right in, watching a movie that depicts this type of activity between consenting couples could be of great assistance. The same would be true of long-distance relationships, as long as the individuals are upfront with each other.

 

However, there can be situations where pornography can be harmful for a relationship. For example, if one party in the relationship is pressuring the other to watch to “get in the mood” or to watch content that the other is not comfortable with. In addition, using pornography on the side, withdrawing from physical contact with a partner, or if a person cannot be aroused by physical contact unless porn is involved (porn creep) would be cause for concern. Porn

creep is a physical and psychological condition whereby an individual has trained his/her brain that arousal can only happen through high stimulus situations, such that pornographic movies provide. If you or your partner has a concern about the use of pornography in your relationship, I would encourage you to seek assistance at Lafayette’s Counseling Center.

 

The simplest way to alleviate problems that pornography might cause is to be open and honest with your partner about your likes and dislikes and expectations in the relationship. We don’t like to show our vulnerabilities, but who else can we be our most authentic with other than our partners? Do you agree? Disagree? Have other thoughts? Join in the conversation by submitting a comment through www.thelaf.com.

 

This week’s “Ask the Dean of Sex” column came from a discussion held with students in another setting. While I didn’t receive any questions this week, I still encourage you to submit! Send an email to gsp@lafayette.edu or drop off your questions in the Ask the Dean of Sex box outside

124 Farinon.

 

The editorial board of The Lafayettechose to move this column to the Opinion page—a more appropriate location for the work of an administrator who is not a staff member. We encourage our readers to send letters to the editor. If you want your voice heard, page 2 is your platform. Email us at thelafayette@gmail.com.